The Time I Belonged
by OttoIsMyDog
Summary: Sirius reflects on his sorting and school life and laughs.


The Time I Belonged

Whispers filled the hall as we walked in, the large group without a place, the ones who didn't yet belong. My eyes scanned the enormous hall, the five tables, the great mass of students and teachers alike, all eyes on us. The ones that didn't yet belong.

James, the friend I had found on the train stood next to me, bouncing up and down on his feet, his eyes flicking around the hall, examining each tiny detail. He turned and grinned at me but before he could say anything Professor McGonagall, the teacher who had lead us in to the hall, cleared her throat. She stood in front of the student's piercing them with her gaze. The whispers died down until the hall was quiet enough to hear a pin drop and every student's eyes were on the old, creased hat sitting on the stool at the front of the hall.

My eyes fell on it, I knew what was going to happen, my parents hadn't left it to my imagination, just as they hadn't left any doubt as to which house I was expected to be placed in.

My mother's voice rang in my ears. ''Slytherin is the only worthy house, do not disgrace the family.'' It was an order, a warning, not a request. There was no hint of affection in her voice, none of the pride in which she spoke to my brother with, for Regulus was her perfect son, eager to please. When we were younger and didn't know the politics of family we had been best friends, we did everything together. But as I started to question what our parents believed and became more of a liability to them rather than a son we soon drifted further and further apart until the previous summer where we had hardly spoken.

I glanced around the other first years, I could see that lots of them didn't know what was going to happen for the sorting, some looked excited, others terrified.

James nudged my arm and gestured to the front of the hall, the first of the group had been summoned to the front.

The boy walked up to the front, his legs shaking slightly under everyone's gaze, he took the hat from Professor McGonagalls hand and placed it on his head as he sat down on the stool. The hat slipped down passed his ears and rested on his head, not low enough to cover his red cheeks but passed his eyes.

The hall waited in anticipation for the hat to speak, I scanned the teachers table, examining their faces, each seemed to scrutinise the boy as if silently betting on which house he would end up in.

Suddenly. ''RAVENCLAW!'' The boy took of the hat; his cheeks if possibly even more red, handed it back to professor McGonagall and headed to the cheering table, sinking into his seat with a slight smile.

Several more people were called up to the hat before finally. ''Black, Sirius.'' Was called in to the group.

''Good luck.'' James muttered in to my ear as I grinned.

''See you on the other side.'' I said and he laughed.

I walked up to the stool, my arms swinging loosely at my side, an easy grin planted on my face. I reached the top table and the stool, I glanced over the teachers again, and there was no anticipation on their faces, no interested scrutiny. For I was a Black, and Blacks were in Slytherin, there was no room for question, no options.

A quiet fury ran through my body, I was not going to be judged.

I sat down in the stool and felt the hat slip over past my ears, as my eyes became accustom to the light the voice entered my head.

''_Aha another Black I see.'' It began._

''_No.'' I had argued. ''Not just _another_ Black.''_

''_Ah I see, not like your family. You are ambitious, yes, but brave, and loyal too, so loyal. Most of all you love, such strong love. Oh how interesting. Hufflepuff maybe?''_

_I smiled, how this would anger my mother, but I couldn't help feel I wouldn't fit._

''_No, no, not enough patience for Hufflepuff, and still too much ambition, and you have far too many opinions, to confident, no humility in you, no you wouldn't fit. Far too much intelligence than Slytherin could ever give you credit for, not enough self-preservation either, no. Ravenclaw perhaps, definitely enough intelligence, yes, but far too reckless, you don't think before you act, and no you are far to fierce and loyal for Ravenclaw.''_

At this I grinned, I knew what the hat was going to say, and I knew that I wanted it, more than anything. I'd longed to be different, a barrier to be placed between me and my parents something to show we weren't the same, this was perfect. I knew that my parents would hate me for it, and I didn't care. I closed my eyes, half preying, and the hat shouted. ''GRYFINDOR!''

I jumped up beaming, a stunned silence had filled the hall,_ a Black in Gryffindor_, but that didn't put me off. I glanced over to the Slytherin table, Andromeda, my favourite cousin was beaming at me, the rest of them, Narsissa and Lucius looked horrified, furious that I dared cheat tradition. How dare I want to belong?

I spun around to face to teachers, still beaming and bowed, bringing a few laughs' to the hall at the teachers raised eyebrows, after all the sorting hat had said I was too confident, who was I to disagree.

A few cheers erupted from the Gryffindor table and a whistle from James's direction followed by a loud applause as I made my way easily to the Gryffindor table, I finally felt I belonged.

Only a slight twinge of regret was left in me; I would never make up with Regulus.

The next seven years were some of the best off my life, I was happy; I had friends who liked me for me, not because of my family or my blood status.

I had the three best friends, brothers, better family than I could have wished for.

I watched as James fell for Lily and in turn Lily dismisse him, over and over again.

Eventually in our seventh year she had given him a chance, and realised she liked what she found, and still I belonged, I had a family, people who cared.

Then it went, it fell apart with one decision, one spell. My decision, my idea, my persuasion, my fault. Peter, my brother, one of the people I cared about most in the world, ruined my life, ruined my friend's lives, ruined my godsons life.

.

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><p>.<p>

And now I laugh, I laugh freely because no one knows the truth and no one will. Of course life can't be that good, of course I can't be happy, for I'm a Black and I can't be happy in a life I don't deserve. I laugh. I've ruined everyone's life, not just mine. James and Lily are dead. Dead. The word spins on my tongue, unnatural, unwanted, and unreal. I laugh.

Harry. I've left Harry with no parents, no love. Just like me. I laugh.

Remus, all alone. His friends gone. My fault, all my fault and he will never know how sorry I am. I laugh.

The Auror's pull me, push me between them, they toss me on the cell floor roughly, disgust clear on their faces. I laugh.

All those years, all those memories, laughs, smiles. Belonging. Gone, gone with one spell, one nightmare.

I laugh, I laugh because every things gone, everything I've cared about has slowly over time been taken away. I laugh because of the irony.

I sink slowly to the back of the cell as reality crashes down around me, my laughter dies slowly but the echoes continue, bouncing around me. My heart aches as I realise what the world has lost, what will never be recovered.

Soon I realise that even the echoes have left me, I sit all alone in the cell, my eyes eventually growing accustom to the darkness. I soon realise that the rest of my life will be spent looking at this same grey wall.

I will never belong again.

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><p><strong>A.N<strong>

Well, that was depressing wasn't it, it was meant to just be the sorting, some light humour, but I got slightly carried away. I'm not used to angst; I don't write it usually, is this any good?

Review please, I'll love you forever if you do :)


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